Monday, December 14
oh my,outing today feels like crazyness and feels so paiseh...
making people spend so much on me today
went out with a horrible hangover and low appetite
keep having the feeling of puking in the car
in e end went j8 trying to dig out something but it came out with all the gases
got myself socks(from fendy),rubber band(bought 3 and dropped one) and an addidas perfume(from shaun)
shaun also spent over $10 on trying to get me a toy but failed!
didnt have much appetite so shared meal
in e end still cant finish
truly love green apple juice!
after j8 went down to geylang
same place with a different stall and a different clique
tried watching KO3 but sherman closed my window!
had to reload it again which is like the difficult!!!
gave up so sat at one side...
all the heavy smokers...
tummy cant tolerate the damn smell
whole time staying away from it but not easy
gotmyself alot of sweets..!
hate crossing the road of geylang coz its too hectic
something freaking hell surprise me is that i sat at one side do my own stuff and shaun stuff me money!
so damn surprise luhs!
im like the blur...
but feeling very thankful! ((:
after that seeing that im suffering so much plus work later he sent me home then went to do his stuff
really thanks shaun alot for everything today...!
its all greatly appreciated :)Labels: coldness within shown among both of us...
1:21 AM
Sunday, December 13
love is just like watching an mtv or a movie
the process of the movie may be full or hatred,love,sad,torture and etc
but after the mtv or movie have ended,
the whole place will be full of emptyness and silence
to stop it from going on,
you gotta move on.
staying there and not doing anything doesnt help you to make the next film full of noise...
it will just become another plain boring movie that is only black and white...
where have colours been to...?
6:45 PM
home once again after a distance of walking
whenever i walk home from geylang tells me that im not in a good mood that i dont wanna be home soon
the only reasons that is like that now is all becoz of you!(this plk!)
i hate you i hate you
i really wanna hate you but i cant!
i cant put down what have happen before but to fall for you after since you start liking her...
its all in e past and i wanna let go!!!
i want to i want to i want to!
im suffering here
wanting to cry but not allowing to do so but it eventually happened!
i truly do have feelings for you...
i dont like you!(like i i wish i could)
you are not the type of guy that i normally seek for but i really dont wish to like you
im suffering!
its panful to see how you are treating me as compared to how you treat me be4
i dont like the habit!
i dont like it!!
i wish i could scream out loud that i like you but i dont have the guts to
i like you i like you i like you!
my room is prepared for you to rent it but you will never do so!
i truly really needly badly gotta let go of you!
i want to i want to i want to!
you are full of treating me cold hearted and me trying hard to not owe you anything...
i wanna give up!
you like her so much just go ahead...
i really dont wanna like you
im trying hard to..
tears have hold back everytime after seeing you and she is there at the same time...
im holding back...
dont wanna let it fall
it eventually cant hold back
im not as strong as before...
its not making me feel better...
everything cant be stitch back now...
the scar is let there
ugly and cant be hid.
i dont wanna like you anymore!
im trying hard to...
trying very hard to!
goodbye to you...
i give up
im throwing my las few tears for you be4 i reallly kick the habit and stop liking you and go on with my new life!
its may be a habit but the feeling is true...
i feeling helpless and hopeless
everything changed just like that...
i may be pushing you away but you will never know how much i wan you with me...
i may claim i hate you but i like you...
i may be saying i wanna irritate you but m not doing it at all...
i dont wanna owe you anything!!! no no no!
im trying very hard to do everything that i can...
i wanna see you badly whenever you are ard in the clique
i wld rush down just to see you and i see you there,i am contented but the feeling is just there
i cant stop saying those words that i feel like saying...
but ya..everything have alr happened
full stop to everything...just trying very hard and i dont like to cry over such stuff and bye bye...
9:57 AM
Saturday, December 12
ohmy,my modem is not treating me nice...
torturing me by not allowing me to use it...
called m1 abt it and it tells me that im not having a good signal! great one!
went to jk on tue
i went there for nth coz i dont know how to play mj(sucker!!!)
there rotting,watching drama,zilian(jk deleted e photos leaving one not so good looking one!)
in e end went home around 2plus coz gotta wake up early for work
have been working and slping for the pass 3 days..
only friend i was with the whole time is christine coz im working with her!
so tired...working..
legs are having the muscles soon again but it wont las long coz im only working till thursday
shortest working time!
its ok...got money enough le XD
didnt hang out with clique coz they busy with their stuff i got my work
haiz...things are changing so quickly without me realising
everyone is having secrets!
even me too! but my secrets are all in e blog
just that e person is still anonymous
how i wish i could just not like e person
im just missing what i am having las time but it will never happen again coz he have moved on
i had my stroll in one big round and i just realise that you are the extraordinary one
only you can give me such feeling that others cant give
but everything have turn out too late coz its claimed as the past
i cant cut and paste of what is happening last time and now
although it may be disrupting my everyday life but i have a hard time ditching it away too
its always up in my mind everyday after since it happened
seeing you like that makes me rather speechless coz if i did something you wont be like that now...
but what have happened have alr happened
i shall just try hard to throw it one side everyday bahs...
thats life:full of ups and downs;nothing is perfect;goods things will always happens first then the bad things come and its all destroyed;nothing will ever go the way you wanted,as long as you are not daring enough to confess it,no one will know what you are thinking...
im no brave bitch here so nothing will happen here!
i will never ever have the courage like other girls,brave and dare to say out what they wld wanna say
shall just sit and watch what will happen everyday bahs...
we are not meant to be together
everything came in and went off wrongly
shall just sit by and wait for feeling to wear off due to how tired i may soon get
im not like terence who could like me for the past 4 to 5 years without saying anything until recently he confess again...but the feeling aint there for me to take it serious but i know its true but ya...
haiz,shall let nature take its course
Labels: 6, counting down to results day
3:47 PM
Tuesday, December 8
ohmy,ytd my day was like the retarded in some sense!
supposedly dont know what shit and the next shit is that im out in e movies yo!
not having my appetite,not knowing what to watch,never knowing what i should do
having my whole night talking to laopo abt how i felt
i guess may be a good thing but the problem still lies there,
not moving
may be my limit is rather low
trying hard to not do it and i still do it
looking at the
sweetness yet
feeling the
bitterness
what exactly am i looking forward to...?
laughing my ass off like an idiot in the cinema myself may be stupid but it may be a sign of relief too
couple retreat(
great comedy!)
overall my ending is still
NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO!
being toubled myself may not be the best solution so
moving on may be the best word ever
after much chit chatting,i find that what is actually the reason that im fussing so much
is not exactly that
jealousy and not exactly the
love or the
like so overall i dont know what is it
i ended up having myself talking to you with the whatever attitude that you are giving(
i dont give a damn!)
knowing that im not suppose to be drinking yet i am still drinking
making myself suffer because the bottle is standing right infront of me
not having myself to drink so much
drinking bit by bit may not be so me but i am doing so,letting em say my cup is rotting
i cant seem to digest em anymore
i cant digest anything in!(
the food and the beer)
something is so wrong with me...
seeing that you truly like her is a good thing but it doesnt mean the lie is forgiven
although i may not be in much position or having much reason to be angry with you for lying but i am just
ANGRY!
but knowing that today is a sad day for you,i got nothing to say coz tts you
im just so not contacting you yo!(
maybe is for the sake of me and you)
the whole place is just
reminiscing the past of me and you and now is a
different outcome...
i need to get use to the current habit yo!
habits are really too difficult to get rid
sometimes waiting isnt a good idea too
after the 4 to 5 yrs,everything changed
is not that i didnt ask you to
wait but i also didnt ask you to
move on
i am never the
me in the past and you are never the
you in the past
one fact since last time till now that have never changed is that
i have always treated you as a friend and never a lover
i guess it always best staying as a
friends rather than a
couple or a
soon to be couple
friends will always
be there for you and
couples will
break and cold war occurs
shall get rid the closeness we use to have and behave like how friends shld behave
MOVE ON YO MOFO!
CHEER UP AND STAY HAPPY! =D
WHERE HAVE THE HAPPINESS
BEEN TO!?
Labels: use to hate the word moving on but now i am starting to like it...
7:17 PM
Sunday, December 6
i am having insomia
not being able to sleep the long hours that i use to always have
after my 4 hours of sleep
pester aron to bring me out
ended up leaving house later than em coz daddy bought food
took all 3 transports available (bus,train,cab)
reached eric house and went to use com myself
soon more and more people came
after so long finally see em
have not met em for over a week
dim brought hoegaarden and heineken down
tried hoegaarden and it sucks
taste like vinegar
drank one mouth of heineken and felt that as if i cant drink anymore
all playing mj and leaving me the noobist using com by myself
watched american pie with dim and wei
while jk and wei watch phoenix i fell aslp
very tired
woke up and watched em play cards
like the funny siol
as usual
edmund is the joker around
jokes siol...
after that all slowly left while im watching drama myself
kept yawning and all
like the joke luhs...
edmund at a table then laopo and another he will also make a joke out of it..
but too bad i wasnt listening
ard 6plus le and all havent finish playing..
after e game all have lose and win luhs
went to mac to eat breakfast after that
all damn funny siol..
eric started joking then all join in the fun
all abt edmund
damn funny
wanli at one side laughing all e way
i kena suan dao~
alot of laughter was happening there luhs...
had a great time in mac
all the laughters have brighten up my morning
after that all went out to smoke and continue joking
waited for cab and me and aron aboard first
laopo and wanli waited for the next one
home and rotted all e way
beauty slp awaken by daddy
i dont know why he wake me up so early for
in e end i surrender and woke up
e weather is damn nice to sleep and i cant slp
sianz...
woots~! didnt talk to you for the whole day
great improvement!
didnt mention out your name too~
great one!Labels: where have all the happiness ran to...
8:47 PM
Saturday, December 5
finally home
after having a hard time pushing everything down to myself
putting a shield around me
making myslf show that i am strong...
i dont need anyone and it wont bother me
but i really does
i dont know why it does when i am doing nothing
my feelings fickle badly
making me feel that you are nothing to me but the fact is that you affect me alot!
more than i have much expected!
i didnt wanna feel anything today
knowing that i am selfish
i just control myself but to throw tantrum
but i know i didnt do the wrong thing....
but hearing how fickle you are than me...
it affects me again...
i really dont wanna face you today
i had to coz i wanna find out a truth which is revealing a lie
knowing that you lied..! i asked you and u continue to claim that you didnt take the number...
it tells and shows how much i cant trust you anymore...
i wanna shun you
seeing you much you cared for her..jealousy does come greatly
although she doesnt take interest in you but its just how you treat her
although i may use to have the care that you have for her today but i hope it just for myself...
selfishness really occupy a great space in me
but you still showed her
although i did ask you to but...
i dont know what words to put in myself..
knowing about what i have done and felt in between but it just comes and goes like the wind...
it doesnt appear all the time
i really dont know how i feel for you right now
but knowing that you all along liked a girl,i feel cheated in some sense
i prepared a shield but it only hides my tears from flowing down but not my emotion
knowing that you lied to me as you took number from her,i was laughing like a crazy mad woman
not knowing where the limit is
laughing at every single thing that i know its not funny
bringing myself up without realising
i dont know what iswrong with me at all
thinking its out of boredom of how much felt the whole afternoon but witnessing brings a diff case
i may be revealed but i still chose to put then shield on me..
hiding hiding hiding
I TRULY HATE LIARS!
one beaten twice shy...
maybe to never believe in you again
its just all in e past
wavehouse changed everything...
maybe even before that it have already changed
after sucha WONDERFUL! night
i had my whole time being a mute and not being myself
not knowing how much i wanna burst out listening chinese songs
today,first time walking home from lor **,make me feel like some dead person
walking home with a stupid expression on my face
walking a step in 2 sec is horrible
i dont know how much i wld wanna burst out but i wont...
its not worth it!
im very dehydrated now too
but i wld just control it whether or not..
you are no one for me to even do so
unhappyness brought within
i wont ever wanna talk or face you
liar are liars!
despite how much kj and jy msg cheered me up with those simple msges but it wont work for long
its just there
i dont like it!
walking alone in huge streets fears me
not knowing if a car wld speedup and bang me down
leting me die in sadness
not having anyone to guide me,,,
just all alone,me me and only me
gone
now that you have em,i guess im not needed anymore
if they belong to me,they will be with me
if they dont,no matter how much i wanna gather em it still doesnt work
a spilt milk will never revive to its original volume
no point wasting effort
let it go and wish him all the happiness he can get
SINGLE LIFE IS FOREVER GREAT!
it shall be an ending of me and you in everyway
i will never know when i am ready to even speak to you again...
the rest of my rants shall be left in my heart and mind..
Labels: dont ever talk to them anymore, i hate liars
8:23 AM
